The Amazon Artifact of the Day: Generic Grooming

I found this grooming kit while hunting for vintage VHS cases online. It is sitting on Amazon for seventeen dollars and seventy four cents.

It looks incredibly corporate and sterile, which is honestly its best feature. It lacks any of that annoying artisanal branding that makes my bathroom look like a failed craft fair.

It feels like the kind of utilitarian object a spy would use to blend into a beige room. The texture of these plastic bottles probably catches the light in such a flat, dull way that it would look perfect tucked between my tapes of obscure eighties exercise videos.

Sometimes the most mundane things are the most satisfying aesthetic anchors.

I know the branding is purely functional, but that is the point. It is not trying to be a lifestyle, just a cream.

Plus, the price is low enough that I do not feel bad about keeping it on my shelf just for the visual weight it provides. It brings a weird, clinical contrast to my collection of velvet frogs and dust-covered relics.

Grab it if you want your bathroom to feel like a high-end dentist office from 1994.