Stomping Through History in Faux Leather

I found a mildewed copy of a nineties aerobics tape yesterday that smelled faintly of cinnamon and regret, but my feet were busy obsessing over these platform Mary Janes I snagged on Amazon. Most people want shoes that disappear into their outfit, but I want footwear that anchors me to the floor like a gargoyle.

These have a 2.6 inch block heel that feels like a deliberate architectural statement. The synthetic leather has that distinct squeaky, processed sheen that reminds me of an old puppet’s skin, in the best way possible.

They carry this weird, heavy energy that says you might be going to a tea party or you might be summoning something from the void. Either way, the outfit wins.

At 39.99, they are cheap enough that I can scuff them up without weeping. They look incredible sitting next to my stack of neon-covered VHS tapes.

The shape is pure gothic Lolita nostalgia, but the chunky rubber sole makes them practical enough for a long day of scouring estate sales. They are definitely shelf-worthy.

If you want to add some theatrical gravity to your walk, grab these.